What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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