I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
