I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
