...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
