Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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