I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
