Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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