AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
