I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There's always time for handjobs
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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