woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
