You smell like a Billy Joel song
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
