I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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