I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
