I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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