Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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