Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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