I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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