So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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