a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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