her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
