Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i think i have herpe
just one?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
