Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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