You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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