Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
