her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?