It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.