Do you still have your period?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.