All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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