All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again