I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
