Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.