Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.