i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
