Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
