roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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