It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
