On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
