I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
