is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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