just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
