Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
