you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
