A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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