you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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