He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
