Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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