Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
