I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
