Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
