Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
