Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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