Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i drank out of a bidet.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Vodka?
Forever.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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