I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
