you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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