i just had sex bonerless
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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