Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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