The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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