Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize