i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
