So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
