apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it hurts more in the daytime
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
