Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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