My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Alive.
So much puke
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
