Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
