My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
