ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude i'm inner monologue high
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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