I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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