The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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