The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Is it because I queefed?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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