batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
