we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.