Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I met the friendliest cop last night
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
