I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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