that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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