Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
