I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
