Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It's just like the Real World with babies
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
