Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sext me about skeletons
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
