Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
