I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
3 2 1 whiskey
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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