Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
