There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
