What did we do last night that was yellow?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
