he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
